This too shall pass….

This too shall pass. A term most of us are familiar with, but do we really understand it?

When we were met with obstacles or challenging situation, friends or family would say “hang in there, this too shall pass”. We would still be feeling the fear, the stress and even self doubt after being told “this too shall pass”. Why? Is it a crisis of faith? Or it’s a case of knowing but not understanding? We can easily find the definition of any word whether online or via a printed dictionary but that is KNOWING. But what is UNDERSTANDING?

Last night, new moon in Taurus and I was feeling the pull to meditate. Just as I was entering the state of Zen, dad came knocking on my door. It was a brief interruption but I was already frustrated. Tried to re-enter into the meditation but just couldn’t focus. The more I tried to force it, the more upset I felt.

So, not knowing what to do or how to handle the situation, I resorted to my phone. I googled the term “what do to when your meditation got interrupted?”. And I was guided to some answers. The common advice was : “embrace your emotions and accept the interruption as part of the process. Reflect on it and try again.”

And so I did. I was frustrated, yes. My cause of frustration was the interruption to my otherwise peaceful meditation. So, what do I do? I acknowledged my frustration and didn’t do anything for the next couple of minutes. Drifted into nothingness. Breathe, just breathe.

And I tried again. Plugging in to my meditation music and started it all over. The verdict? I achieved the objective of my meditation and gained more. I gained an understanding to the meaning, true meaning of THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

~ J

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Why we should learn from kids

I had my 9-year-old niece helped scrapping my back (Gua Sha is a type of traditional Chinese treatment) as I was having body aches all over. I paid her MYR 2 as “wages” for utilising her little hands and energy to help me feel better. How delighted she was, having to earn some money for her hard work. And then the little one, my 3-year-old niece came and rub my shoulder and neck. I paid the mini one 50 cents. She was jumping for joy, proud of her achievement.

You see, kids are a piece of white paper. We, adults are white paper stained with colours. My 2 nieces didn’t expect to be paid for helping their aunt to feel better. And when I paid them, they didn’t complain about the amount. They were grateful. They were joyous.

So, what happened to us? As we grow, we got exposed to external influences, mainly peers and society. We learned and adopted to societal values so followed by everyone else. And so shall we. Because we wanted to belong. Because we wanted recognition. From people insignificant to our lives.

Looking at my 2 nieces, on one hand, I pray for their well being, growing up healthy, protected from harm and danger whereas on the other hand, I wish that they don’t grow up. Don’t grow up contaminated by the so-called values imposed by humans for whatever agenda behind that.

I learn or shall I say re-learn new things from kids everyday. First thing first, no expectation. Second being, genuine. You will know if a kid likes you or not from their expression and behaviour. Third, they are happy with anything. That’s gratitude.

So, just when you think you know more being an adult, think again.

~ J

Why bother with a dating coach?

I have seen an increasing number of dating coach services or courses being promoted on social media lately. I would be browsing through my Facebook newsfeeds when so and so’s sponsored posts appearing to me.

Well, maybe I fit right in to their segmentation of target audience eh. Female, single, age group 21-50 and the like. I am single alright, but do I need any dating coaching services or courses? Do I now?

These are some examples of tagline that make me cringe :

– He’s into you, he’s just not ready. Find out now how to make him ready….

– Texting tips to make him interested

– How to make him woo you in full force

Hmmm…..honestly, I may not even think twice about signing up when I was in my 20s. Really. I was a babe with pretty face, sexy bod and super alluring dance skills to boot. But what I lacked, was my self worth and confidence. I thought the physical aspects were all I need to get a man to love me. And so I thought. I used to be a babe always donning full make up, either showing my cleavage or thighs and would only feel happy when the male species turned their heads or knocked themselves into a pole or glass door. And yet I couldn’t keep the man I loved. Why? I used to spend my nights wondering why my relationships never lasted.

Fast forward to present day, I cringe to those tagline used to attract females to sign up on such coaching services or courses teaching a woman how to be alluring. Why bother?

I can share with you here and now that it is YOU that matters. YOU don’t need to be taught how to be YOU. You are alluring by just being YOU. I can even boldly share that I have more men attracted to me NOW at 40 than in my 20s. Successful, mature and intelligent men. Men of quality. And guess what? I go to dates in jeans. Almost zero make up other than a slight touch of lipstick. And my dates keep coming back. Wanting to get serious.

So what tricks did I use? What did I do? Nope, no trick. I didn’t do anything. Yes, the biggest trick is not having to do anything other than being YOU. I text someone if I wanted to share about me or ask about him. Be comfortable, be natural, be YOU. Of course, don’t make anyone your world, because YOU are your world. Why bother to learn how to be someone alluring if that someone isn’t YOU?

Focus on YOU and your life. Get out to see the world. Learn new things. Get on to that hobby or passion you have been putting off to make way for something or someone insignificant.

You are the charm that you need.

YOU….

~ J

This is my journey, not anyone else’s….

We are all on a journey, from the moment we got pulled out of our mother’s womb. Yes we are. It is kindda incredible ain’t it, that each and everyone of us had our journey of this lifetime, on this plane and it is uniquely crafted.

It took me a long time to realize that no one, literally no one would understand what our journey is about. Some people might share similar experience, but it is still different. Each to our own.

I would love to document down how I am feeling at this juncture of the journey I am on and so I did. This is not an easy path, although I believe that this path is taking me to where I can realize the life of my dream and grow spiritually, professionally, personally and emotionally.

I know those who are close to me care and would like help in ways they think possible. And I am grateful to that. But at some points especially when I was at the lowest level of emotions, loved ones tried to provide advice or even recommendations of how I should settle for something lesser or anything goes until I get to where I am supposed to be. I totally get it. I do. But it might not help. Really.

Whilst I was really contemplating to settle due to peer pressure and harsh reality that sets in, I bumped across this message : “Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s okay. You are here to live your life, not to make everyone understand.”

And live my life I shall.

~ J

To be or not to be…..

Went out for some noodles and soup after finishing some work as the plain porridge I made earlier was obviously not enough. It’s good, a sign that I am feeling better. Well, the fever has subsided but still gonna handle myself as a delicate piece of China. #selfcare yo! 

Fast forward to the kopitiam (shop with variety of hawker stalls). It was quite full and I didn’t wanna really pack a takeaway. Been at home almost the whole day resting. So I shared a table with a young lady who looked like in her early 20s. A quite friendly and soft spoken lady who chat me up. She at one point amused me with her reaction to my response when she asked “are you staying here with family?” It somehow breathed an expected illustration of what societal norms and the Jones’s Theory about “when everyone else have been taken at your age and you should too”.

“No, I am on my own. Own a unit here” was my short yet concise reply. Her next question : “wouldn’t you feel sad? Like you know, no one is taking care of you when you are unwell like now”. 

I smiled and told her that I have been on my own for almost a decade now. She gasped in bewilderment. At that point I wondered : Is that necessary for a fun loving, carefree 40-year-old spirit like yours truly to be “taken care of” by someone whom I assumed she was meaning to say “someone with a penis?” 

I don’t blame her nor the society though. This has also been the norm I was raised with. Girls are expected to be taken of by a male figure. However, it is up to us to decide if we should follow every norm and values the society dictates. It should our call if we want a man in our life and NOT even questioning if we need a man in our life. Evolution doesn’t stop here yo! 

#givenofuck #itsmylife #livenotmerelybreathe 

Why romantic relationships end?

We lay persons went into relationship mostly because we wanted a partner. When the sparks or specifically, chemistry of the initial stage dim down, usually from the 3rd year onward, relationships became a habitual part of life. Dinners, movies, sex. Enter the comfort zone.

When 2 persons don’t grow respectively as individuals, they would constantly be on the lookout for things to do to “fill time” that supposed to be quality time spent together as a couple. However, many couples seem to have the notion that they gotta have the hobbies and stick mostly to the mutual circle of friends just because they are couples. Sounds familiar?

When a relationship becomes habitual, it then spells D-E-M-I-S-E. Because for some extreme cases, it can even be dreadful for one of both persons to feel that way instead of looking forward to see one another knowing that theres always something to learn with and from each other.

So, my 40-year-old take on romantic relationships? Enter into the partnership as individuals, independent entities. Independent from each other yet keep having things to share and learn from each other. Keep finding each other fascinating. Because the growth is personal and continual.

Let me know what you think.

~ J

 

 

Nope, Valentine’s Day does not mean you have to be attached…

 

”Singles, don’t go out tonight. You’ll see lots of hand holding and kissing.” This is what my zumba instructor said this morning before the start of our class. Half of the class did not agree with him. Especially yours truly.

For those of you who have read my previous posts about my life experience knew that I was married once. It also means that I had gone thru the dating and exclusively dating stages. And what’s my point here, you’d ask. Well, my point is, most of us got into relationships because we thought it was essential to do so especially we have graduated and started our working life as an adult. There is this “stages of life” according to societal norms that dictated a life cycle of :

Birth – Grow – Study – Graduate – Work – Date – Marry – Have Kids – Own Properties – Own Cars – Raise the Kids – Retire – Go on Some Holidays – Grow Old – Die.

Who dictated that? Who said we must follow this so called life cycle? Will I be arrested if I just defy it? Of course NOT! My life is MINE to live, not anyone else for that matter. Living authentically means living a life I really want and NOT what others want me to be.

So, yours truly here. Married at 27, divorced at 33. Been dating casually post divorce, lessons learned and here I am. Through my looking glass, I finally see that most of us got into relationships because we were lonely. Because we didn’t want to be alone. But I can assure you, alone does not equate to lonely. Not at all. Not IF we learn how to love ourselves.

Today, I went to the gym as usual. Got home after brunch and took a nap. I needed my beauty sleep as I had a Valentine’s Day date. With myself. I woke up, chill a little and picked one of my favourite dresses for the occassion. Wore some very light make up (most of you can tell that I am an au naturel look supporter) and off I went.

Stuck in pretty bad traffic, understandable with rush hour after work and Valentine’s Day dinner and drinks eh. I remember the little voices in my head saying “maybe we should detour and dine at some where else nearby”. I said NO. I have picked The Ship steakhouse as I love the sirloin steak and the retro ambience there. I smiled and said to myself “YOU are worth it. You are worth beating the traffic for. You are worth the effort that every single man put forth for”.

I had a wonderful Valentine’s Day dinner. 🙂

~ J